dreams

Right now I am: imaginative.

This entry might take a while to read.

In 2007 and early 2008, I kept a dream journal on Microsoft Word. As soon as I got up, I would jot down some notes about my dream so I could write it in this dream journal in full detail later. The dream journal stopped in 2008 when I stopped having dreams. Recently, though (in the past week), I’ve had two or three scattered dreams and I’ve been recording them.

But just to think about dreams … where do they come from? Where do the crazy ideas that occur come from? And why does certain stuff pop into your dreams but not others?

Here’s a dream from The Night of February 9th, 2007:

I was surrounded by ‘priceless artifacts’, which my family (I mostly saw my Dad) had rounded up. I was a baby, or at least a small child, so I was only a foot off of the ground. There was a large, cream-colored, porcelain vase in front of, with a mahogany flower design around the middle. I knocked it over and it broke. I’m not sure that anyone noticed (there were at least twenty people surrounded these artifacts). My dad was about 30 feet away, and he had Indiana Jones-type clothing on. He was holding up to the light a small, black, rounded-off vase-looking object. Someone mentioned that ‘all these artifacts are clues to find ___, and we only need one more!’ Again, I’m not sure what the ___ is, but I’m sure it’s some kind of treasure. When hearing this, one of the people standing around me, a man, runs away because now he knows where to look for the treasure. I could just see the back of his head, it was curly black hair. He was running up a flight of stairs.
Next there is a pathway much like the one at the YMCA(this giant loopy track surround the fields), where there are trees which you can’t see through. So it was really dark, and there is this little boy who is holding something I can’t see, and he goes into a secret entrance in the brush. I follow him. He slides down into a secret room. There is another little boy there. They both seem to be about 4 years old. I decide to watch them for a while, because they can’t see me. There is a small sandbox in the middle of the room, and the boy whom I followed crawled across it. He tells the other boy that “he’s got them, he’s got them!” Next to the first sandbox there is another sandbox, but there is no sand inside. Instead it is jam-packed with bouncy balls the size of my fist (they are like the balls at Chuckie Cheese in the ball pits). The second boy grabs some of the balls, and turns behind him to the corner of the room. There is a lamp there, which he turns on and they both see me. I say, “Hey…..boys. What are you doing?” They answer me, “Nothing,” But it’s really obvious they’re doing something and they don’t want me to know about. Suddenly, with a glance from each other, they start to chase after me. I run out of the brush on the opposite side that I came in. I ran along a kind of bus-like thing. I noticed that I was holding a bunch of the bouncy balls. I guess I had stolen them. I stumbled, and the balls fell out of my hands. The floor I was running on had large cracks in it, but they weren’t large enough for me to fall through. The balls dropped into a crack(there were two). I ran to the end of the bus. There wasn’t an end on it, and below it was rushing water. There was a woman standing there, looking out, and a little girl with an afro was standing on the edge of the bus. She was holding that bouncy balls that I had dropped through the cracks just moments before (the two boys that had been chasing me had stopped now). I walked up to her and pushed her off the bus, into the waves. She clutched the balls like they were life preservers.
The dream shifted to an IM message from the woman who had stood on the bus when I pushed the girl off. The IM said “I have 3 new replacements for you”.

Now, I like Indiana Jones and could’ve just watched one of the movies. That could be where the artifacts and clothing came from. But the sandboxes? Chuckie Cheese ball pits? Where would I have gotten any of this? This makes me note and appreciate how magical dreams are. They give us a window into not only our subconscious thoughts, but whole other worlds. They let us keep or bring back our imaginations. I love dreams, which is especially why I was completely broken-hearted when I stopped having dreams for more than a year. I am glad they are back and I hope they stay for a long, long time.

Here’s another dream from Night of February 26th, 2007:

The dream starts out where a few friends and I are breaking into an old man’s house. We go through the front door, in plain sight, and run down to the basement. There are tables there, and the others (Olivia, Linnea, Marissa, Nicole(Olivia and Linnea used to be my and Marissa’s best friends. Now Marissa is a best friend. Nicole was my best friend from elementary school; she is now in a clique with Olivia.)) start signing them, underneath them and on the legs. I object, but peer pressure makes me sign also. I sign really small, though, just to make a point. After this we decide it’s time to go, because we don’t want to get caught. We parade up the stairs, but outside is the old man. I guess we had come in a car, because there is one there, and the old man has punctured the tires. He laughs, and walks away. We know we are trapped, so we retreat to another room. This room has glass windows all around it. I want to impress everyone, so I pick up my show and chuck it at a window. But Aaron C(a guy who I used to like, used to date Marissa, was large at the time of this dream, and was one of my friends in elementary school) followed us there, and he walked in front of the window just as I threw the shoe, so it bounced off of him and plopped on the floor. I sigh, mad that he got in the way and depressed that I couldn’t impress the others. Bobby R(this asshole-ish jock from my middle and high schools) picks up the shoe, and heaves it. The window breaks. I decide that I should get out first, so I climb through. I pick up some glass along the way, and keep it with me. There’s only two pieces in my hand. The others aren’t following me, or at least that I can see. Outside the window is very green grass, and to my right, the corner of the building. I sneak to it, and peer around to the right. The old man and Mrs. Hutchinson (7th grade math teacher) are talking on a picnic blanket. They are sitting atop a hill. The old man doesn’t see me, until I throw a piece of the glass over at him. He yells and jumps up, and charges in my direction. I turn and run, hop over a fence, and wake up.

Well! That one was odd. It was filled with people from my past and then-present, and involved breaking and entering! I have no idea what was going through my head then. At one point in there, I wanted to look cool in front of everyone and so I threw the shoe at the window (but Aaron stopped it). Perhaps that was a cry to have people like me; I don’t know. But something stopped it, as it was in 7th grade when people thought I was a bitch. Aaron was nice in 7th grade, so he could be representing the niceness in me, but the niceness was stopped in the dream .. as it was in the real 7th grade. I don’t know. Just an odd dream.

Here is one more dream that I really hate and yet love; a dream I think about a lot and have given to many people and many websites for analysis. No one does a satisfactory job. I might bring it to a specialist.All the italics is stuff I wrote at the time of the dream. Here it is, from Night of March 23rd, 2008:

Before you explore my thoughts, here’s something you should know: I always–ALWAYS–think about going back in time to warn Steven–a guy I liked who died in August of 2007–that he’ll die…or telling him not go boating on August 23rd…something. So here’s the dream:I’m walking on the second story of a huuuuuge library. [You know how in a mall, there’s those things where you can look down and see the second story? well there was one of those.] I look down and see Steven [this is in August or so, before he left for the trip. I’ve come back in time, or at least, I know when, where, and how he’s going to die] taking a book near the exit. I swing my leg over the side and JUMP down, calling “STEVEN!” I’m on the floor and he looks around so he doesn’t see me. I get up, calling “STEVEN”, but he still doesn’t see me. Finally, I run over and grab his arm and say “STEVEN!” Then I hug him. He goes “Okay…hi.” Obviously, he doesn’t know a thing of why I’m hugging him. I say “I need to talk to you…we need to find somewhere private.” I had the local river in mind.

Then my best friend, Marissa, shows up. Apparently, I called her or something because I wanted support. I dunno. But she’s there. Oh, and her hair is long, blondish, and wavy. Really, very pretty. Anyways…I grab Steven’s hand and then I grab Marissa’s hand. I start to pull them out to the exit hall…then my mom shows up. She starts yelling at me and gets the wrong idea about me and Steven…since I’m holding his hand. She took maybe ten minutes yelling at me. Finally, we start to leave. At the top of Tthe stairs, this boy is there…in real life, this boy’s locker is right next to mine. He’s nice, but strange. He’s got this big, bad, biker outfit on with chains and stuff. He follows us out, then leaves.

When we get outside, we each need to find our bikes…Marissa, me, and Steven. We had all parked in parking spots, so we spend five minutes finding them. Finally, we bike away.

Suddenly we’re walking.

Steven keeps asking if he can leave; he’s got stuff to do. I keep saying that I just need to talk to him; it’s important. Marissa doesn’t say anything. [She doesn’t say a word this entire dream] I’m still holding onto their hands.

We’re walking on 70th ST; Nicole’s street [Nicole is this girl who was my best friend for about 10 years…suddenly, two years ago, we just weren’t friends anymore. Since she lives a block away from me, we carpool all the time, so I still see her. We’re just not friends.](childhood friend mentioned earlier in another dream. We no longer carpool.)
Suddenly, Aaron shows up [Aaron is this guy that I kind of like, but I’m not sure…we don’t have much in common.]
(aforementioned Aaron. These two show up in a lot of my dreams from 2007-2008.)…but he doesn’t seem to notice that I’m holding their hands and that we’re walking swiftly.Riley(a person who is my friend now and has been since late 7th grade. He’s very cool but mature in ways that I’m not. He would fall under the dumber people in my grade if I didn’t know that he reads regularly and wants to become a chef.) then shows up; complete with biker outfit. He [or someone, a lot of people then showed up to follow us] made a joke about AARON being my BOYFRIEND and Aaron gets all embarrassed then leaves.We arrive at Nicole’s house. Steven says he really has to go. [it’s been like a few hours total this whole time.] I say “Okay, can we try again tomorrow??” and he gets this YEAH RIGHT look on his face and says “Uh, yeah. Maybe.” then leaves. Mission…not accomplished.

The rest of the dream is kind of pointless. It’s me knocking on Nicole’s door, trying to tell her about Steven, when a bunch of little bugs [the kind that listens to stuff; microphones. hidden ones.] show up in the shape of the M from the Monster’s INC logo and try to listen in…so I can’t tell Nicole. I try to shoo them away, then one lunges at me and I wake up. Pointless…or maybe me wanting to tell Nicole in my dream has some significance? Maybe I should talk to her about it in real life? I dunno. That’s all.
And that’s all I wrote. I still have little idea as to what this dream means.

When I asked my best friend Marissa(aforementioned and mentioned in previous blogs), here is what she wrote:

“That is some dream and I have a lot of thoughts. First of all, the library probably signifies that your sense of fear and loss is huge and extending. When you’re in a library, do you ever feel that sense that you’re in over your head, with the thousands of books? It’s probably saying that your wish for closure, (going back in time, ect.) is so large that you feel like you’re drowning in it.
Secondly, the river. It may seem like a small occurrence, but the river is a place you go in the summer. You always arrive there first, (before me) and there is always a sense of calm. It’s quiet, peaceful, yet eerie. Summer is your favorite time, and the river is a place you can face your fears and do a hard thing.
Oh, and NOTE: I’m wording things like that is HOW THEY ARE, but I in no way think that, it’s just a lot easier than saying “most likely” or “maybe” or “probably” in every sentence.
As much as I hate to say this, the reason Nicole was in your dream was because she reminds you of your childhood. Your childhood years are considerably worry less and easier to handle. It is more of a bliss period. However, middle school years are havoc already, not to mention the things (Steven’s death, family stuff, puberty) you’ve had to go through this year. Nicole was one of your best friends in your childhood, and with that comes a sense of peace and safety. This is not to say that you want her back in your life and want things to be the same, because you are so different now and having the same friendship as before would never be the same. When you are feeling so lost, sad, ect., you need support, maybe in a way I (someone who started being your bff in the “middle school years” couldn’t give you.) This is where the “I’ve known that person longer” thing comes in.
The fact that nothing seemed to work out and you couldn’t tell Steven in your dream is simply because you can’t tell him now. Somewhere inside you knows that you can’t go back in time to save him, and even if you did, would you be tampering with fate?
Correct me if I’m wrong, but your feelings for Steven may be more than friendly. This wouldn’t jeopardize his memory, but maybe then you didn’t realize you have feelings for him, and then they unmasked themselves when he passed away. Or maybe you did know them, but they strengthened after he died. Aaron may be there because you (like I said, correct me if I’m wrong) feel guilty about liking Aaron when your feelings for Steven are so complicated.
I don’t think you should talk to Nicole about this. You are thinking about things way beyond your years (fear not, this isn’t anything to worry about, you may find it to be a blessing later) and many kids our age do not and cannot think about things like that.
The presence of me is simply that you need support, just as you said. I don’t say anything, I just tag along, silently protecting you and comforting you. Were the people who were following you guys? Or mostly guys? Because Riley, Aaron, and guys may be symbolizing that that was then, and these guys are now, telling you that as much as you want it to, there isn’t anything you can do about it.
As I go back and read this, I realize that I use a lot of words like “sense of”, “simply”, “signifies”, ect. Such big psychology words.
And that concludes my analysis.”

I’m not quite sure I agree with her on parts of her analysis; but those are her views on it and I was and am totally grateful for her 8th grade analysis. I would much appreciate anyone helping me analyze any of these dreams(lot of any’s there), you one or two viewers I have. Thank you.

Toast.

PS: Almost 3000 words.

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~ by junkinmahcranium on March 8, 2009.

One Response to “dreams”

  1. Ahh, the dreams. Looking back on that analysis I wrote, its so obvious that I was trying to sound all smart and smarty-pantsy. But I don’t really have another analysis. I think my days of analyzing things are over. but the whole “fear not!” thing I wrote makes me laugh. FEAR NOT, TOAST, FEAR NOT.
    But woo hoo on the almost 3,000 words. augh, I wish my comment makes more sense, I am kind of out of it right now, jacked up on ibuprofen. la la lala.
    DUDE I NEED TO GIVE YOU COME REAL COMMENTS NOW. Hmmmm I am sad you didn’t mention that dream with Ashley Tisdale? HAHAWHADAA. I THINK I AM LOSING MY MINDDDDD.
    Okay, just, amazing blog, good job, doodilydoo, you are cool. BI. (LOLLLLLL)

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