Americanese has turned into something scary.

Just today, around noon, I arrived at my locker. I certainly didn’t expect to have my ears bleed or I would’ve brought some bandages.

As my locker partner and I know very well, our locker neighbors to the left can’t speak normally. They have some odd disease where their initial greeting is “Hey Girl, Heyyy!” and when they bump into each other, they say stuff like “Sorr-Sorrz.” Usually we can cope with this, but today when my locker partner wasn’t there .. it was just awful. Here’s the conversation:

THING 1: Hey Girl Heyyyyy!

THING 2: Oh, yo yo yo chica. Soz I was talkin n rockin n thinkin the otha day, and I was juss wondrin’, yo, when are we gonna go to the maw-mallz?

THING 1: Oh, girl, yo, I’m not sure but I tinkytinks we should be goin’ lie-eek(like?) next weekz, you knowz?

THING 2: Yeah I gotchaaa. Hey Girl?

THING 1: Yeah Girl?

THING 2: I gots-tuh go see that creepsta teach, yo, girl, he looksies down my chestz.

THING 1: CREEPAHHH! He loves you, girl.

THING 2: I know, girl. What’s not to love, G?

I had to go get three rolls of toilet paper to stop the blood oozing out of my eardrums.

These girls are annoying.



~ by junkinmahcranium on May 26, 2009.

5 Responses to “Americanese has turned into something scary.”

  1. ahhh I hate when people talk like that! They think there so gansta, but HELLO NEWS FLASH if you live in the midwest USA you ain’t no gangsta hun! I just have boys wrestling and not letting me get to my classes by my locker.

    • That sucks too.

      Oh yeah, these girls were WHITE. And .. the most non-gangsters EVER. Ugggggh.

      We have these chicks called the Bouncing Girls who always have 27.5 people congregated at their locker (right next to ours) and we can’t get through without being knocked over by someone’s butt. It’s great!

      • yeah, well even if they are mexican or african, if you live in midwest you are not gangster. yeah I hate when ppl have there friends hang out at their locker cuz the girl next to mine is nice, but her friends are to rude to move when I say excuse me and I end up pushing them out of the way then they say “ever heard of excuse me?”


    And I am SO SORRY I wasn’t there to experience this with you. It seems so…awful.

  3. Haha am I honestly the only reply to your great post.

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