a third person story of day 1.

5:55am departure. Later than she thought because a certain nerdy couldn’t get to sleep until one thirty and had to wake up at three thirty. In her sleep-drunken state, she decided to ignore the four alarms she had set (two on her phone, one on the computer, and one on the terribly staticky radio from 1986) to sleep some more. She slept almost peacefully until suddenly awoken around 5am. She wanted to ignore this alarm, but sadly, it was a human being, and these are much harder to ignore than infernal little machines.

The nerd showers, forgetting to shave her legs (GROSS … she later had to swim) because she is sitting down, resting her head against the side of the tub. Around 5:25am, her father is banging on the door and her mother is sitting in bed, calling to her. She gets up, begrudgingly, and dries off and pulls on some adorable outfit (note: the adorable outfit is only possible because it was planned the night before, when the nerd didn’t care about being tired or alarms; when she only cared about lookin’ shweet for the never-before-seen fam and the truckers that will pass her by on the freeway, going 50 miles an hour in their beat-up chevy trucks. Moving on).

She has already packed, and since she has nothing better to do (and is too groggy and a bit too nauseous(randomly) to eat, she doesn’t), the nerd goes and sits in the shiny red rental car until 5:53am. At this point her mother screams (through three doors(one screen and two glass), a staircase and two rooms) that she forgot her toothbrush. The nerd can somehow hear the flailing woman, so she shakes her tail feathers (to unruffle them, of course) and brings it downstairs.

The nerd would like to fall asleep. She really would. But the nerd’s father wants to talk and she has pity, so she tapes her eyelids to her luscious (but not bulbous) eyebrows, and talks.

For the next eight hours, the nerd drifts in and out of sleep many times. She creates wonderful artwork (or so she thinks .. ?) with her watercolor pencils. She, for an instant, scares her father when she pulls out a knife … but then she explains that this knife is her pencil sharpener. The nerd eats some beef jerky (;the father brought it along! How sweet!) and chews her Hubba Bubba Max and drinks her Pepsi and has a wonderful time growing into Fatty.

In the last half hour, the nerd turns into a navigator, successfully guiding both her and her one-man(for the time being)-family into the smallish town of Poplar Bluff. All the while, N^2(Nerdy Nora, N squared, N^2. You’ve got to keep up, hoz!) can’t stop thinking about how ironic the town name is because said Poplar Bluff sounds like POPULAR Bluff, and yet, the population is quite small … compared to her old town.

The nerd remembers, just hours before, passing through the tiny town of Dilo or Lodi, she can’t remember which it was, certainly because of it’s insignificance as a town with 451 occupants. N^2, from the moment of seeing the “Entering Dilo/Lodi” sign, could see with the naked (glasses-covered) eye, the “Exiting Lodi/Dilo” sign. The nerd laughed with her father at it’s seeming unimportance.

But who knows? Maybe the next Einstein lives in Dilo. Or maybe Einstein himself lived there. Oh, Lodi. Oh, Dilo. How you amuse the nerds.

After the car ride, the nerds (as her father is in fact a nerd; he loves space and dinosaurs(M!) and old comic books and superheros and the works!) find the Camp Allen grounds .. which, ironically (pertaining to the youngest nerd’s religion) is originally a Jesus Camp, but the Adkins Family Reunion is temporarily “taking over” the grounds.

The nerd hangs out in the very chilly building for a few minutes, then decides to take a dip in the pool, even though, as mentioned, her legs are hairier than this gal (a bit disturbing, my apologies). She slips in, looking sexy as can be. In fact, if some boys over the age of nine were around (unlike the actual circumstances), the nerd might’ve had a chance … but of course, no. She takes a lap across the pool, and then sits in the corner, resting (also mentioned before … this nerd is a Fatty).

By chance, as draining out her ears of the VERY-chlorinated water, she hears one of the boys say, quite loudly, to his mother, “Who is THAT?”. His mother rudely shrugs, and they continue to stare at the nerd. She has an emotional itching to smooth out her eyebrow but knows she’s being watched like a monkey, so she glances to a field on her left. The boy says, cupping his hand over his mouth as if trying to be quieter (but only succeeding in screaming louder), in a southern drawl, “Is she even part of this FAMILY?”. The mother nods and he rudely asks her how she knows. She replies that the whole campground is reserved for the Adkins family and that if there were any intruders she would call the camp owners. The mother then glances to her left, and the nerd follows her wanting gaze … to the her cell phone.

After angrily pushing herself out of the water and battling two or three hornets for her clothes, the nerd walks back to the main room. Walking inside, she realizes how cold it is indoors, so, wearing tiny booty-huggin’ shorts and a flimsy, WET t-shirt, she walks back outside and sits on a giant rock down the hill. She loves this spot. She wants to adopt this muggy, humid, amazing spot and bring it home with her and love it forever. But N^2 knows she can’t. She almost cries, but then grabs her video camera and, spotting some swings, runs over to them to document her awesomeness.

After a make-your-own pizza dinner, the early arrivals of the Adkins family (as most people will arrive too late on the Friday night or early the Saturday morning) play three giant rounds of BINGO, where each person can play on as many boards as they want to. The nerd chooses to play with nine boards, which proves itself challenging but with an amazing adrenaline rush you wouldn’t expect to achieve playing BINGO. With her awesome dedication and skill, the nerd manages to score the following groovalicious prizes: three gorgeous hand-painted flowery picture frames, a box of movie-theatre-sized Mike N Ike’s, a bottle of bath salts, a giant-ass M&M cereal bowl (displaying the words “Laughing It Up”), a HUGE but TINY (and cute) purple wallet, a cute little teddy bear, some bunny and cowlet figurines, three ballpoint pens, a 60-minute large-cook-shaped mechanical kitchen timer, OLD MAID, a shiny thingy for her bike to alert drivers at night, a slightly-shit-filled dry erase board for her shared locker next year, and … FUGGIN’ COASTERS.

The nerd smiles to herself as she types these stellar things. She knows she got a spectacular haul, and knows even though she might not use all this crap, she will still remember her stressful but enlightening experience with Adkins Family BINGO.

The nerd retires to the hotel with her padre, who decides to take an hour on the computer. She really wants to see Friday‘s video on the collab channel, [TRIPLE LINK!] but the connection is terrible and her father doesn’t update his Adobe Flash Player and the nerd can’t update it because the connection is so slow it won’t even load … so she becomes crazily irritated and starts to write a blog post.

About forty minutes later, the nerd is done and fuggin’ tired, and so she decides to retire to her delicious-looking bed. But first, she must creep on the people in the hallway through the little peephole in the door.

Good night, loon.


PS. 1305 words.


~ by junkinmahcranium on July 10, 2009.

3 Responses to “a third person story of day 1.”

  1. Wow, that was a lengthy blog. You’re lucky I read it! 🙂
    From what I can remember to comment, GROSS about the unshaved legs. PRICKLY DUDES IN DA CAAAR.
    That video was awful.
    Godz, that woman sounds like a freaking jackass. KICK HER. Wow.

    PS. Is it going to be this long every day? 🙂

  2. That was amazing Nora! So is this hotel on the campgrounds? Are there tent sites that some people are using?
    I loved the part about the pool, but not the hornet part as much.
    Wow I never win Bingo! The M&M bowl sounds amazing!
    I hope you have a fun rest of the reunion!

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