naw’lins, mr nuts, and a variety of hoz

I just got back from this meet-and-greet thing with my dad’s church and some other church. Since we’re going to New Orleans (Naw’lins) in a Coach bus, and don’t have enough people to fill it, we’re sharing with a different place.

I don’t like the girls from this other church. They’re rather … snobby, and selective. They’re all superfabulous and one wore the SMALLEST and the TIGHTEST miniskirt I’ve ever seen on a 150 pound girl.

Someone mentioned in the comments yesterday about wanting to hear some lyrics. Well … *bigsigh*, here are the lyrics to “Mr Nuts”. I’ve recorded a version but it’s rather shitty. I’ll tell you when it’s available for downloading. 🙂

Watch me creep around this house where blind people live to look
at a squirrel
Help me as I tip toe up in hopes to touch, his furry tail
I just want to pet *petpetpetpet*
I just want to pet his cheeks
I just want to hold *holdholdholdhold*
I just want to hold the mouth that squeaksLook at the squirrel just sitting there on the grassy lawn
He has no idea I’m here waiting for him to yawn

My feet drag me towards him now, the urge is certainly building
Listen to him cooing now as I walk, aw he’s singing!
Wait a second no he’s not,
his teeth are bared suspiciously
Wait a second, I should run
Before he comes and bites me!I guess squirrels are not as nice as I thought before
Maybe Mr Nuts doesn’t want a girlfriend, but I still adore!

Lame, eh? I know. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII know.

I love squirrels though:

I always call people ‘hoz’, and yesterday M-Dig said that she never knew which type of ho I was referring to.

See, folks, there a few different types of hoz! Let’s review.

#1: Mah Ho, The Best Ho, etc

This version of ho is said lovingly, and simply refers to someone who you are wonderful friends with and you just love their guts out. They’re funny, adorable, and sometimes have whore-like qualities, but in the nicest way possible. You’d do anything for this ho and you know she’d do anything for you, whether it be sexual or just plain normal favors. No strings attached. 🙂

#2: That Dirty Ho, What a Creepy Little Ho, etc

This is said in scorn. You do not like this ho. She is a creepy stalker with a pointy hairline, and she is rather dumb and annoying. Her jokes tend to be rude and you can’t really call yourself friends, although she might be in your “crew”, your “pack”, your “homie parade”, or your “possay” (not to be confused with the derogatory term for a lady’s part). Every time you’re with this ho you just want to punch her face in .. especially when, on Facebook, she types “hoe” instead of “ho”. You are not a gardening tool, but you’d sure as hell like to smack her with one.

#3: Spankin’ ho, Bootilicious Ho, etc.

This term is said in admiration. While you may not know this ho personally, you certainly have a lot of respect for her. Maybe she’s an accomplished businesswoman, or at the top of her class. Perhaps she does shiz for the needy. Or maybe she’s just sexy. Whatever the case may be, you really like this ho; she may even be your role model. Need an example of when to use it? When talking to one of your cronies about her, you could say “My, that ho is lookin’ FRESH, dawg!”

I’m sure I’m missing some and I’m sure you can make up some more of your own, but M-Dig? That is the basic jist of “ho”.

Now go shove a hoe up a ho. Whoa. Dirtay. My apologies, hoz. 🙂



~ by junkinmahcranium on July 19, 2009.

7 Responses to “naw’lins, mr nuts, and a variety of hoz”

  1. HAHA I was just about to tell you that the pervert will come a’flocking, but your tags said it all.
    Why thank you for the list, ho#1.
    What about an actual ho? Synonyms: whore, slut, or sexual girl who has sexual adventures? Like those girls at the other church?
    Are they going to wear those miniskirts on the days you work on the homes/schools/whatever you do?

    ACK that last line. I mean, not the “N”, as that is perfectly normal, but the last written line of the thing-a-ma-wig. ICKY VICKY. =]

  2. In reply to your comment, those things aren’t confessions, just facts about me. I could do a classic “50 things” video but that meme is kind of over now.

    • I dunno what a meme is or what that meme is, but that’s kind of what my video was about, and I told you it could be 50 randomthings too! 🙂 If you still want to do it, hahaha.

  3. I love that you went through and described all the different types of ho’s
    This makes me laugh.
    You make me laugh xD

    By the way that picture is a complete win!

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