children love their Jesus.

A few hours ago, I sat next to a very hyper little girl who would simply not go to sleep. I offered her many things as bribes, but she just wanted to read. Eventually, we read all her effing books and she wanted another one.

Guess what it was. Go ahead. Just .. just fucking guess.

Yeah. THE BIBLE. THE MOTHER EFFING JESUS CHRIST BIBLE. I have said it before and I will say it again: I am a pagan witch. I do not worship Jesus.

I offered to read her a Little Einstein’s book again. “NO!” I offered to read her Dora (who creeps me out more than the bible, by the way). “NO!” I offered to read her “Balto”, the Bravest Dog on Earth (a true story). “NO! I want to read the Bible! I want to read about Jesus!”.

Of course the kid can’t read yet. So I had to read SIXTEEN FUCKING STORIES about Jesus. It killed. It really did. Then she looks up at me with her adorable milk-chocolate eyes and says, “Do YOU love Jesus, Noo-ra?”.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. FUCK. Fuck the world I live in with it’s adorable children asking me about Jesus. Fuck religion. Can’t we all just be okay with evolution? FUCK.

I couldn’t lie to her. I seriously couldn’t. She was too cute. And I didn’t want to crush her dreams or have to explain about other religions and about polytheism and fucking WITCHES to this five year old. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.

While it is slightly funny, looking back, it was really actually horrible. I had to swallow a lot and muttered, “Uh, yeah”. Then was forced to read three more stories about Jesus.

Shoot me now, please. Just get all this Jesus shit over with. Garh.

I mean, first yesterday and all those Jesus-worshipping asswipes harassing me? And now a cute kid asking me about fucking JESUS? lkajdfliasd. Ugh. Just .. fuck!

Jesus knows my life is shit, too. Even though he’s non-existant[in mah mind].

N

PS. I think my tags are funny.

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~ by junkinmahcranium on August 30, 2009.

15 Responses to “children love their Jesus.”

  1. “A few fucks!” -Nora Agatha Rogers, on the floor of her bedroom with a purse and a chopstick.
    “Do YOU love Jesus, Noo-ra?” HAHAHAHAHAHA POOR N-DAWG.
    Wait. Is Jesus the sexy man of the day?

    PS. Your tags PWN.

  2. The world is testing you! Bombing you with religions you don’t believe in! Hang tight there Nora 🙂
    More power to you
    *fist pump*
    (did I say that last time?)

  3. For further refence, when putting someone to bed, you agree to a set number of books, and you stick to it. No need of bribery. They’re just pulling your strings. If they cry for you to read more when you are leaving, just leave. If they come out, you carry them or, escort them back to bed and tell them it’s bed time, and that is it. You are in charge.

    I have watched to much super nanny and babysat to many pesky boys in my time.

    Ah poor Nora! Was it atleast the children’s bible and not the huge one?

  4. Que se vida seja aquilo que você plantou …

  5. fuck off u damn bitch blooddy who made it

  6. Holy fuk, I just stumbled onto this searching for my life is shit and I gotta say it is the best thing ever. I’m not even sad anymore lol. Soooooooo glad I’m not the only one who see religion for the BS it really is.

  7. take that back loser

  8. pagan as well Eh.. i would have told the girl about mother nature and how angry shes been with the christians but any ways dont stress about it Cutie you keep fighting the good(pagan)fight.
    BTw did i mention u were a CUTIE 😀

  9. hello, i am really offended by this post. Jesus is a loving and forgiving, and if you give him a chance, He will change you. God has changed my life and i have faith that if you seek Him, you will find him.

    Psalm 139- biblegateway.com

    1 You have searched me, LORD,
    and you know me.
    2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
    3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
    4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, LORD, know it completely.
    5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
    6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

    7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
    8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
    9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
    10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
    11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
    12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

    13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
    14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
    15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
    16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
    17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
    18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

    19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
    20 They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
    21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
    22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
    23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
    24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting

  10. ROFL you are too funny. First the person who suggested a set number of books is right. It is not our job to educate other people kids, so you learn to go with the flow. From one old earth person to another. Be at peace little one. You don’t have to hate anyone’s religion each person has a different path that they choose to take to help them be a better person. You and I have our beliefs they have theirs. With as much hatred as Christians put out everyday we do not want to be like them. Our beliefs are not ruled by hate but peace and balance. When ask you can simple say yes you believe in Jesus, history does teach he existed and leave it at that. You be cool and keep on keeping on little sister

  11. HAH! I like the website. I’m atheist myself, and my older sister is a witch, and I can’t remember how many times I’ve been getting someone pissed off about it. What really sucks is that I’ve been atheist since grade-school and my parents made me go to a private catholic school. Religion, a subject? BS! Anyway, like I said, I love the website, and you need to keep doing what you’re doing.

    BTW ilovejesus;
    FUCK YOU. This is obviously not a website where people want to be fucking preached to. Take your fucking bible excerpts and take take em to your fucking church. I’m sick and tired of you people telling me about how fucking wrong I am and that if I look for Jesus I’ll find with with happiness and cupcakes and all the pot I could smoke. I don’t know or care if your happy with your beliefs, but I know I’m happy with mine, so if you really want to follow what your bible says, let people have their peace. If I really do wind up in hell, you can laugh at me then. Keep it up, and I’ll make sure your burning with me (Deuteronomy 23:1 “No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.”).

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