paranoia and depression (bright and sunny, as expected?)

Sometimes I have these weird paranoia attacks where I just freak out and end up running from wherever I am to the safety of my room. Except ever since July, I run in and the first thing I see is Danielle Radcliffe, staring directly at me (eye level) with a wand (resembles a gun if I’m out of breath) pointed right at me. It does not help sooth the paranoia.

The spell check on WordPress is now more efficient and nice-looking. I tested it on “paranoia”. I spelled it right. I feel good.

I didn’t really have a good day(and had to hide that in my video :/ ). Nothing was actually wrong with it; I laughed a lot with friends and flirted with a boy and confidently walked down the hallway with Mika’s “We Are Golden” blasting in my head. But I just felt really down. I hope it’s not my depression coming back. That was bad enough last time.

I was talking to this guy a few weeks ago, and we were talking about people who say they’re suffering from depression. Kids our age. We were sharing our opinions and one of his I really agreed with; sometimes people mix up loneliness with depression. They might be lonely friend-wise or romantic-relationship wise. They might not realize that that’s the cause of their sadness, or they just think that it’s so desperate and ridiculous of a reason and take their entire sadness as “clinical depression”.

I’ve been a bit depressed for a week or so. There’s no reason to it. That’s why I’m worried. I had suffered from depression around the end of February last year. Granted, the effects of finding out about my parents’ divorce were still there, but all in all, I was never really hurt or sad about that to begin with. It hardly phased me. So in February, I was regaining my balance, but even after I did I was depressed for what felt like the longest time. Again, I’m just hoping my history doesn’t pull a Pro-Life commercial. Repeat itself.

I didn’t eat much today either. I completely skipped lunch except for a few bites of watermelon – hardly a whole slice. I just wasn’t hungry, which is weird because I didn’t have breakfast either. All I had for dinner was a few crackers smothered in peanut butter, and that made me feel sick. It’s just like last time. Guh.

Sorry if this isn’t the type of blog post you wanted to hear. You can re-read some of my other nicer, happier ones if you’d like. I won’t mind.

Today’s sexy man; Hugh Jackman. Yes, Wolverine.

He is the sexy man of the day today because some kid asked me if I was still really into that “Jean Hackman” guy. I almost died in a flabberghasted annoyance at the awfulness of the wrong name. But I stood up straighter, and proudly proclaimed at least six films he’s in — and the correct spelling and pronunciation of his name. Hugh Jackman. Say it with me. H-eww Jah-kuh-men.

Thanks. 🙂

N

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~ by junkinmahcranium on September 24, 2009.

4 Responses to “paranoia and depression (bright and sunny, as expected?)”

  1. J-eeeh.nuh Hark-mahn
    Sorry, what?
    Nora I sure hope its just that feeling of slight lack and not depression because I couldn’t stand to hear/read you all D:
    Oh gosh, Dan Radcliffe has a scary and horrible face I’m glad I have Potter posters that aren’t just his face! :p

  2. Hey.

    I’ve never been depressed, but it still annoys me when others my age say they are…Everyone at this time in their life gets lonely from time to time, without being depressed.

    Really hope you feel better soon!! 😀

  3. Oh man, I can’t even tell you how many times a week I hear someone say, “man, I am just so depressed” for the entire class to see. It’s just …. UGH WHAT. If you were actually suffering from depression, why would you just announce it to the world? If you were really going through the worst paralyzing sadness, why would you tell random kids in your math or english or whatever class? I don’t get it. I really really don’t.
    And oh man (x2!), I can see how people get that mixed up with loneliness. It’s so much worse than that, it’s not something that just hanging out with a friend can help. (Usually, I mean if you’re just having a bad day, yeah, but if you’re actually depressed, then it’s so much deeper than that.) svinrvenv rawr
    Anyways, that guy is EXTREMELY cute. 😛 WAS IT RIDER DONOVAN? WAS IT?!

    Last night was fun, homesliz! 🙂

  4. Trust me, I know how depression feels more than anyone. I’ve always had depressive tendencies (if that makes sense), and even as a kid I had some problems. Here recently it got pretty bad. I never told anyone except my parents, though, as I never really felt the need to complain to others. Anyways, I’m feeling better though. I’ve seen several counselors about it and I’m now on medication. 🙂 I’m not ashamed of it; in, fact, I think it’s just made me stronger.

    But I totally agree- it drives me INSANE when people go around saying they’re depressed for attention. If you’re actually depressed, you don’t announce it to everyone. 😛 I REALLY hope things get better for you, Nora! Depression sucks. If you need anyone to talk to, just shoot me an e-mail or facebook or something.

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