there is a ween sitting on my leg

What were you doing when the New Year arrived?  Dig and I were listening to pop music play over a video about sexual innuendos in Disney films, not even realizing it was the new year. We thought it was rather funny. 😀

Random tangent: Around January of last year, I began to realize that half of my life was spent not knowing what the fuck was going on. And that’s not because I just didn’t pay attention, or didn’t remember stuff. It’s taken me since January of last year to get the slight idea that I have: I think my life runs on autopilot. What I feel kind of reminds me this part in an awful Adam Sandler movie, Click, where he owns a remote that controls every aspect of life (especially time). He ends up putting himself on autopilot for about twelve years of his life, where his body reacts automatically to things while his brain is elsewhere.

Sometimes I’ll be doing something somewhere (descriptive, I know. It’s 2am, cut me some slack.) and, basically, WAKE UP from my slumber. It happened tonight a few times (I’m at Dig’s house, having a sleepover on New Years). I was on the phone with two boys and talking to Dig and I just looked around and kept thinking to myself, “how did I get here?  What am I saying to these people?”. I saw my reflection in the computer screen and just wondered who I was, what I was doing there.

It’s so weird, I know, and I’m not explaining it very well, but it’s just how I feel. I’m on autopilot the most when I’m on the phone or in school, basically anytime I’m around people. Also, when I make videos, I’ll WAKE UP about ten minutes later and wonder why my throat is hurting (from talking), or what I just said. This state of unconscia is also, probably, the cause of why I eat so much 😛

I’m not sure exactly why I’m sharing this .. maybe to ask for your thoughts? It’s hard to make sense of sometimes, but the feeling of WAKING UP and feeling like every situation is so damned surreal is getting pretty damned old. What do you guys think it could be? :S It’s not really a worrying thing, more like I don’t know why the fuck it happens.

It is later. I am in a better writing mood 🙂 I’m in the midst of a contest with some boys; who can stay up later. Who can stay up all night, actually, meaning we don’t get to sleep until the night of the first of January. This would be way more easier than it is now for me if I hadn’t’ve stayed up until six AM on the night of the thirtieth. I am so tired. But I gotta win. It’s a matter of pride.

So far (meaning so far in my search), I have fifteen freckles, three moles, and two birthmarks. I was in the shower when I first started thinking about how many of what I have. Then I saw a freckle near my knee, and a few on my right arm, and then I remembered the mole on my head and the birthmark on my back! And now I’ve begun my journey (xD) into finding every birth-thingy on my boday. It’s fun! I didn’t know I had so many freckles; fourteen! That’s a lot, when you’re not redheaded or irish or anything.

I’ve been on Runescape a bit tonight. I miss it, but it does get a tad boring after a while. It’s really pretty in HD. Why am I talking about RS? You don’t care.

Alright. I’m going to actually ditch writing this to play Runescape, no offense to my two readers .. but it’s more fun. 😀

❤ and shiz.

N

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~ by junkinmahcranium on January 1, 2010.

2 Responses to “there is a ween sitting on my leg”

  1. Ugh MMORPGs blech.

    And that autopilot thing? I totally get what you’re saying so yes, it does make sense.

    I’m a bit different, I have “woken up” a few times but for me it’s this undertone of awareness. Like my body is doing things and I’m aware of it in the back of my mind. It’s not autopilot because I know I’m doing it but I can’t feel it. I can’t feel like I’m doing it at all, and a lot of the times I narrate what I am doing but in second or third person. Oy.

    Hopefully that makes sense.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is, “Don’t worry N, you’re not the only one going insane.”

    xD

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